It can be hard to deal with the complicated parts of relationships, especially when friendship and marriage clash. A woman recently talked about her problems. She said that her husband didn’t like that she chose to stand by her best friend and even made a painful threat. She wrote a letter that was full of her feelings because she was looking for help online and wanted to find a way out of this tough situation.
Here’s what she had to say:
“Hi,
My name is Sarah and I’m 25 years old. I’ve been married to David for a year now. My best friend Tania has been there for me for as long as I can remember. She’s like the sister I never had, and we pretty much grew up together. Tania got married to her college sweetheart right after graduation, but they’ve had a hard time getting pregnant. After many tests and painful procedures, she finally realized that her uterus isn’t working right, even though her eggs are healthy. This meant that surrogacy was her only option.
When Tania recently told me this, I offered to carry the baby she and her husband are having through IVF.
I went with her to see her gynecologist last week and got the all-clear after a thorough exam and question-and-answer session. This meant that I could carry the baby without any problems.
Last night, in the middle of everything, my husband brought up the idea of starting a family. We promised each other that we would wait three to four years until we were financially stable and had our own home before having kids. I finally told him, “I promised to be a surrogate for Tania, and I can’t break that promise.” He looked really shocked. “When were you going to tell me about this?” he asked. Since I’m your husband, I should have a say in this.
In response, I said, “I didn’t think it was necessary to get your permission.” “My body, my choice,” she said, to which he reacted angrily, “What do you mean?” You can’t agree to carry someone else’s baby without first talking to me. We should all make this choice together.” When there was a brief moment of silence, he suddenly made a threat that caught me off guard: “Then I can also choose not to be involved, or maybe not be a part of your life at all.”
I can kind of see why this would not be an easy choice for most husbands to make. Still, because we are so close, I feel a strong duty to help my friend. His threat of divorce, on the other hand, makes me wonder if I should have talked to him first. I would appreciate your advice on how to handle this situation.
Sincerely,
Sarah”
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