My Son From My First Marriage Has Contacted Me, but I Don’t Want to See Him

A father and son weave a tale of love, hardship, and redemption filled with difficult choices and unanticipated outcomes. Both face the agony of the past and quest for their own road to reconciliation via emotional ups and downs and a quest for forgiveness.

“My 45-year-old ex-wife and I started dating when we were just teenagers. Our son was born at age 22 and we were married at age 21. After our son was born, we started to drift apart bit by bit.

Our son was around eleven or twelve when I made the decision to get divorced. I’m not sure why, but my wife seemed astonished. We hadn’t shared any meaningful conversations or been intimate for roughly four years by that point. It had just ended.”

“My ex begged me to stay for a week straight while I moved out, and it took me that long. But I remained unwavering. My son didn’t want to talk to me at all and was really upset with me. I realized why. I was harming his mother, in his opinion.

He wouldn’t even come see me when I eventually moved out. I would make a lot of effort and visit him frequently, but he would always tell me he detested me and disappear into his room. He was inconsolable. The divorce was completed within a year or so. 50/50 custody was maintained. Our son saw a therapist, but it didn’t really help. He harbored a deep hatred towards me.

I never wanted to make him come to my home against my will. That’s possible, but I didn’t want to increase my anger toward him. I would go to his games and send him birthday and Christmas presents because I still wanted to be there for him, but he would ignore me completely. He said to me one last time that he no longer wanted me to come to any of his events. I visited my former partner’s residence a few times, but he consistently expressed his disinterest in having me around.”

“I felt totally disconnected at this point. I was sent down a protracted, dark path of sadness and bereavement. It felt like my son had passed away. my life’s lowest point. But when I woke up one day, it was just over. After getting better, I moved on. My spouse and I are parents to two lovely kids. Life was wonderful once more.

up until my son sent me an email around a year ago. He said he was sorry for everything and that he had recently given birth to a son. That caused him to pause and consider how terrible he had been to his own father. He desired a reconnection and a return to my life. I don’t want to share the email because of privacy concerns, but there was a lot more in it.

When I read this email, I had no emotions. I remained silent. He has since sent roughly fifteen emails outlining his son’s and his own life events. I felt like I should at least give him some closure, even though I never replied. I haven’t sent it yet.”

It goes as follows:

“Dear son, I would appreciate it if you would stop sending me emails. I went through hell and back to be at this point in my life. I have a family again, and I am very happy right now. I understand that you have regrets and some guilt about the past, but I don’t resent you and I forgive you.
Bringing you back into my life would introduce complications that I am not willing to face for my own and my family’s sake. I simply cannot give you what you seek. I want no further contact. I hope you understand, and I wish you all the best in your life.

Goodbye.”

Although I haven’t sent it yet, I have finally informed my wife of the situation. She was horrified when she saw my draft and all the emails. She pleaded with me to give it back and to let him into my heart. After our argument, she said that I should return to therapy.

She even told my parents, to which my mother became very upset. She began berating me as if I were still a child. Why she doesn’t understand is beyond me. She has been by my side the entire time and has witnessed my struggles. Ultimately, she threatened to harm me in the same way that she had threatened to harm him. I couldn’t express myself.”

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