My husband was controlled by his mother

n an emotional letter shared online, a woman details the painful experiences with her mother-in-law, starting from a troubling encounter over her engagement ring. The narrative, part of an article collecting stories about individuals’ worst experiences with their in-laws, reveals a saga of manipulation, control, and emotional abuse that strained her marriage and family life. Through sharing her story, she sheds light on the impact of toxic relationships and the importance of establishing boundaries for personal well-being.

“One of the meanest and hurtful things my mother-in-law did to me was when I’d just got engaged and she asked to see my ring. I held out my hand to show her my ring and at that point she just grabbed a hold of my hand and started pulling on my finger trying to pull off the ring. At first I wondered what the heck she was doing. Then she said, ‘Let me have a close look’ in a raised voice. She was angry that was plain to see.
I pulled my hand back and started to remove my ring and handed it over. Straight away she put the ring on her finger and held her hand out to admire it.

Then she went over to her husband and said ‘Look Harold, look at the ring we’ve bought her.’ She was very angry and she glanced over and smiled at me. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I said ‘We’ve just bought it’ to which she shouted ‘No, you’ve not bought it. We’ve bought it.’ I looked over at my future husband for his reaction. He just carried on reading the newspaper.
I really couldn’t understand what was happening. ‘Why do your parents think they bought my ring?’ He looked up ‘I have no idea’. Then his mum started shouting ‘You still owe us £600 from when you were 21.’ She snapped at me.
Apparently my future husband borrowed £600 towards his first car when he was 21. But what hurt was that was over 15 years ago. They decided never to remind him before that point.

Then she threw the ring at me. Then she went upstairs and then came back down and said, ‘Here’s your engagement present’ and threw a box on my lap. I looked and it was an old dusty box. It had written on the lid ‘Tina’ (which was my partner’s ex.) I lifted the lid there was a set of three cheap sauce pans. I said ‘Thank you.’ She replied ‘It’s from his last engagement to Tina’. To which she added ‘Would you like to see that ring?’ I was gobsmacked. ‘When my son got the ring off her, he gave it to me.’ I thought that was very odd. Surely if you end your engagement, it’s better to sell the ring than give it your mother.
I made my excuses and said I had to leave. I honestly wanted to walk out, when she tried pulling my ring off.
Once outside I hit the roof. ‘How can you let your mother treat me like that?’ I screamed.
He then said ‘Do you remember before you met my parents I told you and warned you?’
I said ‘Yes, but you made it out they liked to impress by getting the silver out.’ I said ‘Why the heck haven’t you paid your parents back before now?’

‘I can’t even remember borrowing £600 from them.’
I said ‘You don’t forget about lending money.’ He told me they write it in a book and they constantly remind you when you borrow any money from them. He said ‘I know for a fact I owe them nothing’.
I told him to go up and sort this out. Then he told me something else which in a way explained it all.
A few months ago he’d been given a large sum of money from an insurance company for his injuries in a road traffic accident. The morning he got the check his mum told him never to tell me about the lump sum payment from the insurance company. She told him I’d only try to spend it. She made him promise not to tell me.

I was so hurt, I couldn’t believe my future husband thought that of me, let alone his parents. I said ‘Surely if you truly borrowed money from your mum, why wasn’t it paid back years ago or when you first got your lump sum? Why have they brought it up now?’
But then more truths came out. Every time my future husband took me out anywhere, he always told me not to mention it to his parents which I thought was strange, but I just thought he liked to keep it private.
But I found out the truth. No matter where we were going out on a date his parents expected to be invited and if he didn’t, they made his home life a nightmare. I was shocked to hear how controlling and nasty they were, but I knew they hated him having any life away from them. They liked him to be their chauffeur, without me hanging around. I said maybe it’s just me they hate. He said they are the same with every girlfriend he gets.

I thought surely he is joking.
But I got to know the family very well, and no, he wasn’t joking. In fact it was very creepy the control they had on my partner. I still can’t understand it now.
First thing I asked him to do is pay them the money back, which he did. Then I told him he’d got to stop hiding his life because it upsets them. I told him you’re not a little boy anymore. You’re a grown-up man.
I asked ‘Does your oldest brother hide his life?’
‘No, he keeps away.’ he replied.

I never got on with his family. They hated me no matter what I did or said. I did it all to try and get on with them, but there was no way I was going to let his parents rule us. In fact, I got so fed up of them trying to control our life and my son’s, we left.
When I used to refuse to go along with his mother’s plans he’d lose his temper and start punching things. In time the thing’s became me. I ended up moving out of my home of 24 years. I was given emergency housing for me and my son…it was awful. Going from owning your own home to having nothing.
The day I moved out he moved his mother in. Then she took him to try and get custody of our son. I told him he could keep everything just leave me our son. But that wasn’t enough, he wanted me to have nothing. His mother paid all his legal bills. They told so many lies, but truth will always come out. I was lucky it did. I still have my son.

The most important lesson some parents need to make is letting go of their children and letting them have a life and grow. Some parents damage their children. It’s so sad when a grown man still craves love from his parents, because he’s always felt like his older brother is loved more than he. So he constantly is trying to make them happy, but no matter what he does, they don’t care apart from their next day out that he takes them on.
He is like a scared little boy in a 54-year-old body. So sad.
I don’t think he’ll ever get away from their grip and will definitely not get the love he deserves from them for all he’s ever done for them.
I’ve never known a family that never hugs or kisses each other. The lack of affection is mind-blowing.
It’s so sad.”