My Ex-husband’s Fiancée Said I Am ‘Heartless’ – Am I Wrong for Not Feeling Pity Towards Her?

After her marriage ended, this woman wanted to ensure clear boundaries were set between her ex-husband and his new partner. However, despite several attempts to disassociate from the new couple, she was accused of being heartless.

In a heartfelt confession on Reddit, a woman shared her journey of navigating the delicate balance of co-parenting with her ex-husband while attempting to establish clear boundaries with his new partner.

A 36-year-old woman and her 35-year-old husband, Tom, ended their marriage after he cheated on her with a woman he met at work named Tammy. The Redditor recalled meeting her at a work event while she was heavily pregnant with her youngest child, where Tammy warned her, “Better up your wife game, or I might steal him off you.” Three months later, her husband left her for Tammy.

While Tammy was in her house, helping Tom pack his things, she tried to have a conversation about the future of their relationship now that she would be in the Redditor’s life. She went on to explain that her initial warning was just a joke, but the Redditor was relieved to have Tammy take her husband off her hands. “My ex made a comment about her being 23 and her brain not being fully developed. I got the ick so bad it turned my heartbreak into relief,” she said.

The divorce proceedings were not complicated since the Redditor caught her husband cheating. She ended up getting everything in the divorce and settled on 50/50 custody. For the sake of the kids, the mother wanted to keep a civil relationship with her ex.
Therefore, the former couple could attend events together without any fights. Eventually, Tammy started to help out with picking up the children. Still, the mother kept a cordial relationship with her, but Tammy would go out of her way to get a reaction out of her.

At one of the pickups, Tammy made it a point to show her engagement ring and even went as far as asking the Redditor to be a bridesmaid and for her daughters to also be involved in the wedding.

However, the 36-year-old did not care much about the wedding and barely responded to Tammy as she spoke about it. She was also in a rush to take her cat to the vet. But she later found out through her husband that Tammy was upset at her lack of interest.

In another incident, Tammy shared that she was pregnant, and the Original Poster (OP) still did not give her the reaction she hoped for, which made her angry. A few months later, she told her they were having a son, and the Redditor said, “I’m sure Lord Tom’s excited for an heir to take over his lands and titles.” However, Tammy did not find her joke funny.

The two women had last seen each other in December when they were doing drop-offs. When they saw each other again, the Redditor noticed that Tammy was not pregnant anymore. “We lost the baby,” said Tammy with tears in her eyes.

Again, the Redditor did not give her the sympathy she was hoping for. “I didn’t answer, just told Tom our second daughter has a birthday party tomorrow at 3 and the oldest has gymnastics at 5,” she wrote.

This was the last straw for Tammy. She screamed at the OP and called her “heartless” and “bitter.” Her ex-husband also told her she could have extended a bit of empathy towards the distraught woman, especially since she was her kids’ stepmother.

But the Redditor did not feel like she owed the couple her pity because the only thing that connected them was their children. “I told Tom I don’t care about what he’s going through because outside our kids, I don’t care about them, and I don’t owe Tammy anything, especially pity,” she reiterated.

In any circumstance, the OP would not have been bothered by what Tom had to say about her, but when her former in-laws also told her she should have been kinder to Tammy, the OP started to question if she was wrong for how she reacted.

However, people in the comment section did not think the OP was wrong to want to set clear boundaries between her ex and Tammy. But many suspected Tammy was trying too hard to be friends with the Redditor especially after what she did to her.

A commenter remarked, “NTA. You don’t have to do a thing for her. It’s about co-parenting with your ex. It’s weird to me that she’s sharing personal details about her life; she must not have friends or something, but that isn’t your issue.”

For many Redditors, it was important that the OP keep her personal life separate from her ex since their relationship had ended. The only thing they had to work on was their co-parenting relationship and maintaining a healthy environment for their children.

Other commenters have congratulated her for how she’s handling the situation with tact and poise.