I’m Helen, a retired grandmother in a bit of a family dilemma. My daughter-in-law has two children from a previous marriage and a young son with my son—my grandson. She recently asked if I could babysit, and while I was happy to care for my grandson, I gently explained that watching all three children would be too much for me physically and emotionally. I’m retired, and managing three kids—especially two that are quite energetic—is simply overwhelming at this stage in my life. I told her I’d gladly watch my grandson, but if she needed care for all three,

I’d appreciate some compensation. I want to be clear: I love all her children. I’ve always treated them with kindness and care, and I’ve never tried to make them feel excluded. But from my perspective, watching three kids full-time is like a part-time job, and I believed a small payment was a fair boundary. She didn’t respond at the time, but the next day, I went to her house and discovered the locks had been changed. I was shocked. When I called,she told me I wasn’t welcome anymore because, in her eyes, I was playing favorites and treating her children unequally. That broke my heart. I tried to explain my reasoning again—that this wasn’t about favoritism, but rather about my limits. Now, there’s an obvious rift. My son is caught in the middle, trying to keep peace between his wife and his mother. I can see how uncomfortable it’s made things for him, and I feel terrible. Still, I can’t help but feel hurt. I tried to set a respectful boundary,
and now I feel like I’m being punished for it. I love my family, and I never intended to cause pain or division. I want to make things right, but I also don’t want to be forced into something that’s too much for me. How can I navigate this situation without making things worse? Is there a way to repair the relationship while still holding on to my boundaries? Sincerely, Helen“