1(61F) have three grandkids from my son, Max (35), and his wife, Sara (34). They have
an 8-year-old, 5-year-old, and 3-year-old.
I love all of them, but I can’t shake the feeling that my daughter-in-law has always had a special bond with her youngest. It just seems like everything revolves around the 3-year-old, and sometimes, I feel like the older two get
overlooked. So, the other day, Sara asked me to babysit her two oldest kids while she took
the youngest (Lily, the 3-year-old) on a trip. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but when
she mentioned it, I immediately asked,
“Just the older two?” | was genuinely
cOntused. She said, “Yeah, I thought I’d take Lily with me for some special time, and I didn’t want to disrupt the older two with everything going on.” I didn’t quite get what she meant,
but I immediately assumed the worst. Why not all three?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Why are you only taking Lily and not the others?” I mean, I’m not saying it out loud, but I was starting to think it was another example of her always focusing on the youngest. So, I accused her of playing favorites. I snapped, “It seems like you’re just leaving the older two behind like they don’t matter. Always the same with Lily, isn’t it? You think she’s the only one who needs attention?” She tried to defend herself, but I wasn’t hearing it. I kept pushing, saying things like, “Why are you always prioritizing her? It’s like the older two never get any time
with you. Finally, I said, “Well, if you’re not bringing all three, then I’m not babysitting. I won’t play into this favoritism.” We got into a huge argument, and she left, clearly upset. Max wasn’t happy, but he didn’t say much at the time. I honestly thought she was overreacting, but I was still angry at how things always
seem to go with her and Lily. Later that night, Max called. His voice was quiet, and I could tell something was off. “Mom,” he said, “I know you’re upset, but the reason Lily is going on the trip is.” He paused, then continued with a heavy sigh, “Lily, the 3-year-old, has a medical issue. It’s a big deal, and she needs to see a specialist. The trip isn’t just a vacation. It’s for her health. Lily’s been really struggling with this, and she didn’t want the older two to see her like that. I was stunned. I had no idea. I had accused her of playing favorites, not knowing that the trip was for medical treatment, not some random getaway. Max went on, “She didn’t want the older two to worry, especially because they’re still young and wouldn’t understand why Lily has to go through all of this. But it’s not about favoritism, Mom. It’s about getting Lily the care she needs right now.” I felt like a complete ierk. Here I was. accusing my daughter-in-law of neglecting her older kids when she was just trying to do the best she could in an incredibly tough situation. I had no idea about the medical issue, and I didn’t give her the benefit of the doubt. Now I feel terrible. I’ve been thinking about it non-stop, and I don’t know how to fix things. sent her a text to apologize, but I don’t know if she’ll even want to talk to me now. Am I in the wrong for accusing my daughter-in-law of playing favorites when I didn’t know the whole story? How do I make this right? Best,
Martha
